


106 miles to Zadash

by galacticdrift (Ancalime)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Soft (tm), Temporary Character Death, assorted other things -- prompts vary wildly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2020-10-20 01:50:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 7,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20667332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ancalime/pseuds/galacticdrift
Summary: Cross-posting the short Fjord/Cad nuggets I've been putting out on tumblr.





	1. Fjord rez ritual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What if: Cad in a Fjord rez ritual?"

“Please.” Cad’s voice cracks on the word. “Please, this can’t be the end of your plans for him. Surely his destiny isn’t just to end here, like this. This can’t be your will.”

He takes a shaking breath. “But if for some reason it is, I only ask that you– take him into your arms, and– keep him safe. Cherish him for me, until my time comes to join you.”

A warm wind rises around him, infinitely gentle, like an embrace. Softer, perhaps, than he’s ever felt the Wildmother before.

_It is no small thing to pledge as My champion, and he has already served faithfully even in this short time. Whether your gift to Me comes to My arms today or many years from now, he will be treasured._

Too-long moments later, Fjord’s chest rises as he inhales, and it’s as if he’s stealing the air right from Caduceus’s lungs. The warmth around him returns for a fleeting instant, almost playful this time.

_I am glad to not have taken him so soon. He remains _yours_ to cherish, for now._


	2. "no u" (caduceus edition)

“I should be so lucky,” Caduceus hears, echoing him a half-step behind, and he looks over to see Fjord, surprised, glance back up from where he’d been ducking his head. _Honestly_.

“Fjord, you’re a paladin of the Wildmother. The _champion_ of a _goddess_. _Anyone_ should be so lucky.”

“It’s all thanks to you, though.” Fjord’s voice is a plea, and Caduceus won’t hear it.

“_I’m_ not the one who threw the only thing you thought made you valuable and special into a pool of lava. And it’s not as if I could have made Melora claim you.”

“I’d never even have considered it if not for _you_, though–!”

“And I’d never have left the Blooming Grove if not for you.” It’s somehow exactly the wrong thing to say; Caduceus can only describe what Fjord does as _wilting_, his shoulders bowing inward, expression growing dark.

“_Not_ for me. For the others, because I failed. I let myself and Jester and Yasha get captured by those slavers.” _Ah_.

“Everyone fails at things sometimes,” Caduceus says. “Why did the others come find me? To save you and Jester and Yasha. Because you’re important to them. And now to me and to the Wildmother as well.”

“Of course they– I mean, Jester, she’s– and Yasha is– was–” Fjord flushes, knowing what he’s said is wrong before he even gets the words out.

“Useful?”

His head jerks in a single harsh nod. He won’t meet Caduceus’s eyes.

“Right. That must be why they left you behind in the snow as soon as you revealed you’d lost your powers.”

“No, I–” Fjord breaks off with a harsh exhale, fidgeting, distinctly uncomfortable with Caduceus’s line of reasoning but not knowing how to argue it. _Good_, he thinks.

“Both things could be true.” Caduceus ventures, voice soft.

There’s a questioning noise from Fjord.

“One doesn’t prove the other wrong. We could _both_ be so lucky as to be with each other.” He smiles. “Isn’t that one of the best kinds of romance? When both parties are blessed with the luck to find each other?”

Fjord’s face darkens again but this time it’s clearly not the anger and shame of before. “Sure,” he mutters, rubbing at his face.


	3. falling asleep/waking up

The first time, it’s just Fjord, falling asleep where he sits next to Caduceus, waking up and realizing his head has dropped onto Cad’s shoulder.

The next time, Fjord feels himself start to nod off and straightens, attempting to shuffle over a couple inches only to be halted by Cad’s arm, which has looped around him at some point during the evening. He shifts back, consciously allowing himself to relax again and even lean into Caduceus just a little.

When they take separate watches one night, Fjord curls up on his bedroll as Cad gets up to take his post, and when Fjord awakens, Caduceus is close enough behind him that Fjord is almost the little spoon. He’s a welcome warmth, as far north as they are; Fjord can feel Cad’s breath on the back of his neck, and catch a bit of the loamy, forest-floor smell that tends to accompany him.

The next time they’re on split watches, Cad’s is first, and when it’s Fjord’s time to sleep, he doesn’t let himself dwell on any impulse he might be feeling to tuck in behind the long figure on the next bedroll over. He keeps to his own, a polite distance between them, but when Nott’s voice wakes them in the morning, Fjord sees that Cad has rolled over, facing him, closer, his large pink eyes blinking to clear the sleep away.

“Good morning,” Caduceus rumbles, and even despite Nott’s screeching as she rouses the rest of the camp, Fjord thinks, _this is a good way to wake up_.


	4. discussing the future

“What happens when you take the crystals to the pool in the jungle? After the pool does– whatever it’s supposed to do to them. What’s the next part of your quest?” They’re on watch together, talking quietly as they keep an eye on the landscape around them.

“I take them back to the Blooming Grove, I believe. That was my original mission, to cleanse the Savalirwood. It makes sense that once I’ve made my pilgrimage to the Dusts and the Stones, it’s time to go back to the ancestral home of the Clays to finish things.”

“Oh. Right.” Fjord blinks. “Do you want– us to come with you for that?”

“Absolutely. Whatever I need to do, I have–” Caduceus smiles, “Call it a _hunch_ that it won’t be as simple as planting these crystals in the garden like seeds. There’s some kind of power behind that corruption, something that’s been feeding and driving it this whole time, and it may be that these crystals provide nothing more than a way to locate and confront the heart of the curse.”

“Oh. Of course, we’ll back you up. Whatever you need to do.”

“Thank you, Fjord.” Cad blows out a sigh. “The Wildmother’s vision only took me as far as the Kiln and the Menagerie. Perhaps once I get that far, the next time I die she’ll grant me a new vision.”

“Don’t– don’t joke about that.” Fjord steps in close for a moment, his throat closing up over anything else he thinks he might say. His hand reaches out and curls around Cad’s, squeezing.

Cad looks at him for a moment in silence, then squeezes back. “It’s not part of my actual plan, no.”

“Good.” For a few moments, there’s just the forest noises around them. Fjord hangs on to Cad’s hand. “I never saw your home, last time. I look forward to it.”

“Oh! That’s right. You weren’t around to see it before I left with the others.”

“Yes, you could say I was rather tied up at the time.” It’s a pain he can just barely manage to joke about now, with the reward of Cad’s soft chuckle.

“It’s a beautiful place. I think you’ll like it.”

“I’m sure I will.” Turning aside, Fjord drops Cad’s hand, unable to look him in the eyes or even face him, but equally unable to keep the question trapped behind his teeth. “And after that, would you be– finished? Would you remain at the Grove?”

Caduceus steps up next to him, arms crossed, and bumps their shoulders together. “_No_. No. Far be it from me to abandon my friends and their troubles just because my own has been dealt with. So long as we defeat the curse, I’ve got all the time in the world to return home after the adventures of the Mighty Nein have come to an end.”

“Oh.” His throat closing up with emotion again, Fjord leans his weight against Caduceus and lets his head tilt to rest on Cad’s shoulder. He feels Cad unfold one arm and wrap it around him. “I’m glad to hear that. Thank you, Caduceus.”


	5. a softer world #319

In Rosohna it’s always night, of course, but at the moment it’s late. It would be night anywhere.

Not every night, but often enough, Fjord finds himself sitting at the base of the Xorhaus tree with Caduceus. Usually Cad will offer to commune with Melora as they sip their tea; usually Fjord will accept. Tonight, though, Cad doesn’t seem inclined to offer and Fjord doesn’t have any particularly pressing things to ask. He’s content to sit together for a few peaceful minutes and watch the wisps of steam drift upwards from their mugs. The daylight globes strung through the tree boughs sway in the breeze, and some of them have a slow ebb and flow to their light. The overall effect casts Caduceus in dappled, shifting gold.

Cad makes a wordless questioning noise. Realizing he’s been caught staring, Fjord shakes his head and looks away, a flush warming his cheeks. “Sorry.”

“For what?”

“Staring.”

“What were you staring at? Do I have something on my face?”

When he glances back, Fjord sees Caduceus looking down at himself, patting at his face. His hair is a tumble of braids and waves over his shoulder that make Fjord’s hands itch with the desire to run through it.

“No, it’s–” _Fuck it_. He sets down his mug, makes a quick, nervous gesture upward. “This lighting. You look beautiful in it.”

_You look beautiful in any light_, he doesn’t say.

“Oh–” It’s barely a word, more of an exhale, Cad’s ears twitching as he ducks his head. “Thank you.”

Before Fjord can say anything else, make some excuse to flee, Cad plucks one of the small garden flowers and leans over. Fjord freezes.

“One of my favorite things about our visit to Uthodurn was seeing you in the flower crowns Reani made.” Cad tucks the flower behind his ear, fingertips grazing along the cartilage, and Fjord feels like his face is on fire. “I’m glad your place turned out to be with the Wildmother. Now you’ve always got a reason to wear flower crowns.”

A dizzy playfulness runs through him and on a whim, Fjord lifts his hand to Cad’s before it can fall away. Holding it close, he drops a kiss on the palm. Cad twitches, surprised, fingers curling and almost cupping Fjord’s face for a moment before he draws back. “I’m sure Reani would argue that there’s no need for a _reason_ to wear a flower crown in the first place.”

“That does seem likely, now that you mention it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I think you are beautiful and I would like to kiss you. I can think up some clever lines, if you’d prefer. But I wanted to say that, first. (None of those lines seemed to be about you or me.)_


	6. split the party

“Fjord, what are you _doing_?” Jester’s voice echoes against the rocks and cliffs around them as she dances and hops closer.

“Yell a little louder, why don’t you,” Fjord mutters, but with a smile.

“Seriously though, what are you doing?”

“Picking some of these berries and flowers. I thought Caduceus might like to take a look at them.”

He can _feel_ Jester looking at him; when he glances over, she’s biting her lip and the light in her eyes is downright devilish.

“All right, spit it out.”

“You’re bringing him back a _present_, that’s so _sweet_.”

“I just thought he might like to see some of the flora from the Blightshore. Maybe try growing some of it when he gets back to the Grove.”

She skips up to his side and leans in. “You really miss him, huh?”

“You don’t miss the others?” Fjord can’t quite manage to say no, but he finds himself still trying to deflect. As soon as it’s out of his mouth he knows Jester sees right through it.

“Of course I do! But you don’t see me, like, collecting spare buttons for Nott.” Jester pokes his arm, taking on a mock threatening tone. “Admit it. You _miss_ him.”

“Yes, all right, fine. I miss Caduceus.” Even saying the words triggers a pang in his chest. He darts a glance over to Jester, suddenly anxious. “I don’t not miss the others, though.”

“I know. I do, too.” Jester sighs, then perks back up. “But! We’ll be done soon, and then we can rejoin them.”


	7. long-distance pining (split the party, pt 2)

There’s something…_off_ about the Blightshore. So far, they’ve stuck close to the water, so they can return to the ship at night, and Fjord is hoping they won’t have to go so far inland they’re forced to camp for the night.

He and Jester are in the captain’s cabin tonight; they’ve got a plan for the next few days’ explorations and are now just winding down before going to sleep.

“Should I check in with the others?”

“Mmm. I wouldn’t mind getting an update if you’ve got one or two Sendings left.”

“Of course!” Jester smiles at him, too bright, and belatedly Fjord realizes he’s made a terrible mistake.

“Heeeeeey Caduceus–”

“Oh no–” Fjord buries his face in the crook of his arm as he starts counting off words for Jester.

“How are things going there? Fjord misses you SO MUCH. He’s been collecting plants from the Blightshore for you! Hope you’re doing well!”

“Jester…”

“Shh, he’s responding.” Jester giggles, then breaks into a full, happy laugh, hands flying up to cover her mouth. “Aw man, that’s so cute.”

“What did he say?”

“He said that they found the Stone family temple!”

“Oh. Great!”

“He _also_ said he _really_ misses you too, _and_ that he asks the Wildmother _every night_ to check and make sure you’re doing okay.”

Fjord runs a hand through his hair and looks away, smiling helplessly. “Does he, now?”

“Yeah.” Jester leans in close, as if to impart a secret. “He likes you a lot.”

“Well, the feeling is mutual.”


	8. keeping secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thinking about that theory that Cad's life/vitality is connected to the Grove.

“And were you ever planning to warn any of us that this might happen?” On their last trip through the Menagerie coast, Fjord had found a shell on the beach weathered in a spiral pattern by the surf and sand; Caduceus watches him worry at it now, passing it from one hand to the other as he paces back and forth.

By “any of us,” he doesn’t mean _any_ of them. Fjord is talking about himself.

“I’ve been clear from the beginning that I had things I needed to accomplish.” Caduceus knows he is being cranky, the way healers make the worst patients; irritable and snappish, the way the guilty deflect from things they know they need to apologize for.

“Yes, but for some reason you didn’t see fit to mention that the penalty for not getting them done quickly enough could be your _life_.”

“We’ve had a few other things on our plate lately that I thought were more urgent.” Cad motions his head toward the door. Out there somewhere, still drinking or in one of the other rooms, is Yasha. With them but not trusting their friendship, and even worse, no longer able to trust her very self. “Besides, my dying doesn’t mean my particular mission has necessarily failed. There are plenty of other Clays out there to complete it. It just means I’ve died; we’re all going to someday.”

“Well it won’t be fucking today!” Fjord snaps, and the door slams behind him when he stomps out.


	9. keeping secrets pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Essek: why are Caduceus and Fjord sitting with their backs to each other?  
Jester: they had a fight  
Essek: then why are they holding hands?  
Jester: they get sad when they fight

Essek took in the scene before him. Den Nein was in the midst of eating dinner, arrayed around the dining room tables. As ever with the Nein, there was a certain inherent chaos to the meal, and yet– something seemed different from their usual brand of mayhem. Looking from person to person, he eventually realized there was one corner of the table which played host to a silence that wouldn’t have been uncommon if not for its distinct aura of sullenness.

He leaned over, keeping his voice low. “Why are Fjord and Caduceus sitting like that?”

Fjord was twisted around on the bench, eating slowly and carefully with his off hand while keeping a pointed focus on his conversation with Nott. Caduceus, for his part, had angled his chair away from the table and seemed deeply contemplative regarding the china cabinet against the wall.

“Caduceus is sick and didn’t tell Fjord.” Jester leaned over on Caleb’s other side and whispered much more loudly than Essek had. From her tone, she was more on Fjord’s side than Caduceus’. “They had a fight about it.”

“Ah.” Essek paused. “Then– why are they holding hands?”

“It makes them sad when they fight.” A note of amused fondness crept into Jester’s voice.

Between them, Caleb continued to eat his food, until Essek nudged him. “Your friends are very strange, Widogast.”

“Ja, it is true.” Jester gasped in exaggerated horror, but Caleb’s expression went a little soft – soft_er_, rather, as the dinner already had his walls lowered a bit. “We are all weirdos.”


	10. a softer world #821

When he kisses Caduceus, there’s an endless flood of worries running through the back of his mind – _is he going too fast, are they both, is Cad just going along with this, is someone going to walk in on them, is it just the combat high, is it a terrible idea to conduct a romance in the middle of everything else, is this thing between them going to end tomorrow, in a month, in a year, in pain, in heartbreak, in tragedy, in death_–

But he can’t seem to hang on to them. One by one, as they kiss, his questions all slip away from him, somehow, without him even noticing.

Only time will tell if they’re moving too fast, he knows that much at least. The way Cad plucks at Fjord’s armor and his low murmur of _let’s get you out of this_ dispels any concerns Fjord might have about his reluctance. Under Fjord’s hands, Cad’s ribs expand, and Fjord leans in to nuzzle against his neck, one of Cad’s arms trapped between them as he continues to work on Fjord’s bracers.

Cad’s shirt bunches under Fjord’s hands, and he relishes the sensual feel of silk passing over short, fine fur before tugging it up and over Cad’s head as soon as he finishes with Fjord’s bracers.

Taking a step back and glancing at the door, Fjord flips the lock, then shoots Cad a rueful grin. “Not that that will stop anyone we know if they decide they want to come in.”

“Then they deserve whatever eyeful they might happen to get.” Cad cocks his head, ears flicking with humor.

“Fair enough.” Laughing, Fjord shrugs out of his breastplate and surcoat and steps back into Cad’s arms, letting himself be caught up and led a few steps farther into the room, until Cad hits the bed behind them and sits down.

“On second thought, I might want to keep this view to myself,” Cad murmurs, gaze roving over Fjord’s bare chest.

“It’s nothing they haven’t seen before already anyway,” Fjord says, smiling as he cups Cad’s face in his hands and drops kisses along the lines of Cad’s cheekbones and his broad nose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _When you touch me, my mind is gone. The only words I know are lost inside your body. (right in there.)_
> 
> Con't/Expanded [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20756027).


	11. brought to you by the letter C

“We got mail, you guys! Check it out!” Jester practically bounces into the room, paper clutched in her hand. “Here, there’s a letter for Beau from Reeeaaaaaniiiiiiii–”

“Give me that,” Beau mutters. Jester holds it out and in a blur, it’s gone from her fingertips and Beau has crossed the room to open it in the corner.

“And my momma sent _me_ a letter, and there are two more for Caduceus and Fjord. Fjord, your name is spelled wrong though.” Jester deposits his letter on the table in front of him, and Fjord can indeed see that it’s addressed to “Cfjord.”

Cad leans over and sniffs when he sees it. “I recognize Clarabelle’s handwriting and her sense of humor both.”

“How do you mean?” Fjord opens the letter; a quick scan confirms it’s from Clarabelle, but he doesn’t get it.

“Well, you may have noticed that the Clay family tends toward a certain naming convention. Caduceus, Clarabelle, Cornelius…”

“Right. But what does that have to do with me?”

Caduceus leans back and looks at him with a puzzled expression. “You remember when I introduced you to her, right?”

“I– sure?”

“I told her you’re a member of the family.” Caduceus peers at him.

“I– You–” Fjord trips over his words, suddenly feeling like he’s been upended; though not in a bad way. “I thought that was– simply a figure of speech! A joke about me being a fellow follower of the Wildmother now.”

“Oh. No, I was being completely literal. Consider my family your family, Fjord.” Fjord finds that he’s clutching the letter a little too tightly and forces his hand to unclench. “It would be very in character for her to add a silent C to your name in jest so it meets the family standard.”

“I see.” Fjord’s laughter might have a tinge of hysteria to it, but there’s also a surge of warmth in his chest. “I see.”


	12. Cad rez ritual (pt 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> me earlier: well I wrote a little snippet for cad in a fjord rez ritual, I should try the inverse  
me now, having given myself the Big Sads about fjord: oh no

Scrubbing angrily at his face, Fjord walks out, just to get a little space between himself and the others. Himself and Caduceus’s _body_.

He can’t _breathe_ in there.

For a few moments it’s quiet behind him, and he can only imagine the conversations being conducted in silent expressions and pointed looks.

It’s Jester who approaches him as he stands there, just outside, staring at the trees around them, seeing nothing.

“I don’t know what I could do to help,” he whispers. It _galls_ him; his hands curl and uncurl at his sides with his frustration. It shouldn’t _be_ like this, _he_ shouldn’t be the one still standing while Caduceus is– “This is _my fault_. I failed to protect him.”

“Fjord…” Jester reaches out and he spins away, one hand flying out in a useless warding gesture.

“The only thing, the _only_ thing Melora asked of me was to _protect what’s Hers_, and I couldn’t even–!”

“I’m sure the Wildmother knows you did everything you possibly could.” She takes his outflung hand in both of hers.

“What use would I be in there?” He whispers. “Everything I have is– combat, disguise– ‘protection’–”

He breaks off, scoffing, then squints up at the sky. "It should be _me_ lying in there instead of him. At least he can commune with Her directly.“

"She’s talked to you too, though, right? You’re _Her_ paladin, She must listen to you at least a little bit.”

“Caduceus has tried to tell me She listens to all of us, and speaks to us, though we may not understand or welcome what She’s saying.” Fjord manages a ghost of a smile, then pauses. “I suppose…that does give me an idea, actually. Even if it’s probably a stupid one. I’ll– be right back.”

When he returns, he’s got Caduceus’s incense in hand, and the small pieces he sets up into a shrine for communing. Jester gives him a tiny, hopeful smile and escorts him back into the room where they’ve got Caduceus laid out.

Sitting cross-legged by Cad’s head, he assembles the shrine, lights the incense, and closes his eyes.

As he expects: it’s just incense. He feels no warm presence, no soft wind around him. Outside the room, he can hear the rustling of trees and underbrush, the occasional night bird’s call. Inside, the rest of the Nein are quiet, though he can hear them breathing, and the rustle of fabric as someone shifts positions now and then.

“Wildmother, I know I don’t– have the same abilities Caduceus does. I can’t cast the spell he would cast with this shrine and this incense. But You have spoken to me before, through him, through this ritual, so I thought– this might help, somehow. Draw Your attention, perhaps.” Fjord takes a deep, steadying breath and lays one hand on Cad’s forehead.

“Caduceus came into our lives– into my life– in the darkest of hours. He–” His throat locks up.

Fjord’s not sure how long he sits there, free hand balled up in a trembling fist at his hip as he takes shuddering breath after shuddering breath, until he feels like he can force words out once more. “Melora, please bring him back.”

“Without him we’d _all_ be dead, several times over. _I’d_ be– I don’t even know. I owe him so much, and I’ve barely even had a chance to begin to repay it.” He takes a moment to breathe, racking his brain to try and assemble his thoughts into some kind of convincing order. Something that might move a goddess. “The first time he helped me speak directly to You, he told me about his family history. That the Clays are– Your ‘givers of gifts,’ is how he described it.”

“Let him– let him continue giving gifts in Your name, Wildmother. Give _him_ a gift, for all the gifts he’s given You. Make a gift _of_ him, to us. To me.” Fjord drags both hands down his face, accomplishing nothing but smearing his tears and dampening Cad’s forehead when he returns his palm there. His voice is a strangled whisper. “Please give him back to me.”


	13. absent-minded first kiss (pt 1?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> any excuse to think up new moorbounder names? don't mind if I do.

“I’m going to feed the moorbounders and take a bit of a walk, stretch my legs a bit.” He collects a few looks. “Don’t worry, I won’t get myself in any trouble.”

“Don’t go too far away!”

“All right, Jester, don’t worry. I’ll stay within yelling range.” Fjord stands up from their table. When Cad looks up, Fjord leans in and drops a kiss on his cheek, right at the corner of his mouth, before turning to head out of the inn.

There’s a flurry of chatter as he leaves, but it’s not till he reaches the stable where the moorbounders are being kept and starts tossing them pieces of meat that he realizes what he did and freezes. 

“What the fuck.”

Fritz grumbles and noses at his hand, pulling a haunch out of his suddenly-loose grip. He gets another from the bag and passes it to Yarnball 2: Bigger Yarnier Balls (“No nicknames! Use his full name!”), and then another to Constantine.

“What was I thinking, Connie?” Moorbounders might resemble giant, lizardlike, hairless cats more than horses, but there’s still a certain comfort to be found in stroking their large heads and scratching behind their ears until their hind feet thump on the ground. “Where did that even come from, hmm?”

It’s not that he expects Constantine to respond, but he realizes after a beat that talking to him is, mostly, a habit he picked up from Caduceus. He thunks his head gently against the stable wall. Perhaps he needs that walk more than he knew.

Outside, it’s cool under the dark sky of Asarius. There’s too much of a breeze for it to be entirely comfortable, so Fjord sets a brisk pace to keep himself warm. As he walks he lets his mind wander, turning his actions at the inn over and over.

–

Caduceus blinks at Jester, who’s got her chin in her hands as she coos at him. Beau leans in next to her, but looks over to Caleb.

“You said not for another month. Pay up.”

“Not what for another month?”

“He thought neither you nor Fjord would make a move for at least another month.” Beau scoffs. “Mostly I bet against him because I was hoping I wouldn’t have to put up with you two mooning over each other for that long, but this might almost be worse.”

“I assure you, nobody’s made any, uh, moves.” Caduceus looks between the two of them, frowning.

“Fjord did just kiss you before he left.” Jester waggled her eyebrows at him. “I’m pretty sure that counts as making a move.”

“I don’t think he meant anything by it, or he would have said something.” Cad’s fingers lift to brush his cheek. “He’s never done anything like that before.”

“This is Fjord we’re talking about. He’s not very good at interpersonal relationships.”

“Says the woman who called him a little cherub boy.”

“Whatever you’re implying, Caleb, I won’t hear it.”

“Ja, Mutter.” Caleb cracks a grin at what’s left of his food.

“All right, look. If he doesn’t say anything about that kiss when he gets back from his little walk, then you tell us tomorrow that Caleb doesn’t owe me any money.”

“Okay.”


	14. solo fjord, pining/praise kink/dirty talk (rated E)

Fjord scrubs at his face with both hands, letting out a truly tragic groan. All Cad had said was that he did well in the fight earlier that day. One passing comment, murmured in his ear as they walked through the city.

Even the memory of it, Cad’s low voice as he leaned close, the large hand splayed between his shoulders, makes him feel warm all over with a heat that concentrates and curdles low in his gut. It would have been so easy, Fjord thinks, wistful, just to turn his head and tilt it up to meet Cad’s lips with his, to thank him for his kind words with a kiss.

He’s unfastening his pants without thinking about it – _just taking advantage of the privacy to blow off some steam _the excuse that drifts half-formed through his thoughts. He’s got no accompanying excuse for the shape of his imaginings: a tall, lanky form above him, a tumbling fall of silky pale hair. Hints of sweat and grave dirt and tea in the air.

He takes himself in hand and imagines longer fingers than his own stroking him, soft fur brushing against the tender skin at the curve of his hip.

_Look at you, so handsome,_ Cad croons in his mind, and Fjord claps his free hand over his mouth in time to catch most of an involuntary moan as his hips jerk. 

It’s like it unlocks something in his brain. _I’m lucky I’m the one who gets to touch you like this _and Fjord _whines,_ twisting his hand and swiping his thumb over the head of his leaking cock to slick up his grip.

Thrusting up into his fist, Fjord shudders – _so good, so responsive for me _– and drags his hair back with his free hand. _Let me see your face._

He’s gasping, shallow breaths in time with his hand, getting close to completion when _Come for me _has him slamming his head back against the bed as his back arches, his orgasm crashing over him in an immediate, overwhelming tide.

When he comes back to himself, his breathing slowing down, a full body tremor of embarrassment runs through him. He’s not sure how he’s even going to be able to look Cad in the face; the next time Cad actually says something nice to him could be _disastrous_.


	15. magicians au: mosaic puzzle aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magicians AU - Fjord and Caduceus as kings of Fillory who had to deal with the mosaic puzzle

The words on the page in Fjord’s hand blur as his gaze goes unfocused. Next to him, he hears the wet tear as Caduceus bites into a peach. The smell of it fills his nostrils and it’s just like– like– he has a sense memory that _wasn’t there_ five minutes ago.**  
**

_A hint of woodsmoke in the air, his feet bare and dusty as he looks down at the mosaic, considering his next pattern. Caduceus coming up behind him and resting an arm on his shoulder, Fjord lifting his hand to catch the plump peach Cad’s about to drop. He leans back against Caduceus, letting his head drop backwards to rest on his shoulder, and a feeling of utter contentment and peace suffuses him._

_“What’s the theme this week?”_

_“Thought I might try some figure work.”_

_“Dinner’s cooking. It’ll probably be ready by the time you lay out the next one.”_

Blinking away a memory he never formed in the first place, Fjord looks over to Caduceus.

“We–”

“Yeah.”

“How do we remember–? We didn’t–”

“Some version of us…must have, or this letter wouldn’t be here.”

“Sounds like dunamancy. We should probably talk to Essek about it.” Fjord exhales heavily, shuffling through memories that feel real yet oddly separate. His body, 30-odd years old – _again_, he wants to think but it isn’t true, he didn’t live that other life – fits poorly, much as it did when he’d just received the Wildmother’s boon. He rubs at his knee, the one that had started to forecast the weather and then later had necessitated a brace and a cane. He and Caduceus had joked about having matching bad knees.

“I got so old.” It’s such a strange thought, to know how his body will age before it’s happened. He glances over and starts, his heart clenching: there are tears running down Cad’s face as he stares at Fjord.

“You _died_.”

“Oh. Hey, shhh, it’s all right.” Reaching out, Fjord wipes away the tears and cups Cad’s face in his hands. “I’m here now. I’m here. It’s all right. Dear heart, please, don’t cry–”

The endearment comes out automatically, the habit of years – though both the years and the habit this Fjord hasn’t yet had the chance to build with this Caduceus. Still Caduceus melts at it and leans into his touch, letting Fjord pull him closer.

“I spent so long without you. I lived…almost until now, I think.” The words are muffled against his throat, Cad’s voice thick and choked.

“I’m sorry. I never wanted to leave you,” Fjord says, low and soft, his hand running over Cad’s hair in long, soothing motions. “You know that, right?”

"I know.” Cad’s arms tighten around him. 

“I was so happy with you, the whole time. The only part of it I ever regretted was dying.” Fjord thinks about it; about the decades spent together with him. The more-than-physical warmth of that small cottage they’d lived in, the love that had soaked into every part of it. "Caduceus?“

"Hmm?”

“Do you want to– Wildmother, this sounds so strange, I know it didn’t happen to us, _this_ us, but– d'you want to…do it again?”

When Caduceus pulls back a bit to look at Fjord’s face, his brow is furrowed with uncertainty. “What do you mean?”

“Not the puzzle, that part’s solved. And obviously we’re not exactly in a position to run off and retire to a tiny cabin in the woods. And we should probably hold off on adopting any orphans for the time being.” Fjord realizes he’s babbling, and breaks off with an awkward chuckle. “I suppose all I’m asking then is– um, will you…marry me?”

“What?” He’s confused, but Fjord can see the happy flip of his ears, and presses on.

“Like, _right now_. We can go grab Jester. Secret wedding ceremony between two kings of Fillory, she’ll love it. And then we can announce it and have a big fancy state function later on down the road.” Fjord draws up both Cad’s hands and kisses the knuckles. “It’s– all of a sudden I have all these memories of us together, being by your side, _always_, and even though it’s not _me_ that had that, it still feels like, to then _not_ have it, like something– terribly precious is being taken away from me, when all I want is to hold on to it.”

“Fjord–” Caduceus says, voice wobbling, then leans in, punctuating his words with fleeting but urgent kisses. “Yes, of course, of course– Wildmother I _missed_ you so much–”


	16. local 7 WIS himbo gets jealous. of himself.

“…take you to dinner when we get back to port in Nicodranas?” Fjord catches the tail end of the offer as he emerges from belowdecks, squinting at the bright sunlight until his eyes adjust. He can see one of the sailors leaning in close to Caduceus, a charming smile on his face. Cad’s back is to Fjord as he holds up a hand in a placating gesture.

“Oh, thank you. That’s very flattering. I’m sorry if I gave the wrong impression– I already have a partner, and I’m not really looking for more on that front.”

Without thought, Fjord finds himself wheeling around and heading up the steps to the quarterdeck where Beau lounges by the wheel.

“Hey Cap'n– whoa, hey, what the fuck?” She struggles at first as Fjord grabs her by the arm and pulls her aft to the very back of the deck. “What’s up? Something wrong?”

“I need to ask you something.”

“Shoot.”

“Or– say something, and see if you know anything about it.” Fjord scrubs at the back of his head where the hair is cropped short. “In confidence.”

“Okay. Yeah. Yeah, you got it. Not a word.”

“It’s– I just heard one of the deckhands asking Caduceus out to dinner.”

“Oh shit.” Beau laughs a little. “Bet that went well.”

“You know him, he was more than polite about it. But he said– he said he _already has a partner_.”

Beau’s expression doesn’t change, as if she’s still waiting for something actually surprising to come out of his mouth. Fjord spreads his hands in a questioning gesture. “What the fuck? When did that happen?”

“Uh…_I_ don’t know that.” Now Beau looks puzzled, and Fjord couldn’t be more confused.

“Is it _common knowledge_? Am I the only one who didn’t know?”

“…Ohhhh.” Beau’s face scrunches up, her eyes glittering. He can tell she’s trying not to _laugh_, and he can’t say it doesn’t sting a little. “Oh man. Oh man. I– okay. Sorry. I’m trying not to– _fuck_. Yeah? Yeah, I think you probably are the only one who doesn’t know. Nott, maybe. She, uh, tends not to recognize that stuff when she sees it.”

“Okay.” Fjord heaves out a sigh and tries to collect himself. He hasn’t had a problem with his sea legs in well over a decade, but feels himself wobbling now. “Since I clearly haven’t been observant enough to pick up on it myself, can you tell me who it is so I don’t– stick my foot in my mouth accidentally around Caduceus?”

“…Yeah, can do.” Beau smiles at him and it’s– oddly soft, for her, in a way he’s not expecting. She wanders up to the railing of the quarterdeck and leans on it, calling across the main deck to Caduceus. “Hey Caduceus!”

Caduceus turns – he’s so tall that Fjord can see his head even at this angle – and shades his eyes, looking up at Beau. “Yeah?”

Beau glances back at him and Fjord glares at her, frustrated. “There’s something I need you to explain to your partner.”

“Beau, _what the fuck_–”

“Oh?” Caduceus shifts to look at Fjord, then sets down the line he’d been braiding and climbs the steps to the quarterdeck to approach Fjord with a smile. “Did you have a question?”

“What.” Fjord darts a look over at Beau, who winks and points at him with both hands, then saunters a little ways off. To give them privacy, mostly likely. Because, abrasive as she can be, Fjord knows how much Beau cares about all of them.

“Beau said– oh, was she just messing with me when she said she needed me to explain something to you?” Cad looks unclear, glancing back and forth between him and Beau.

“To– me. Your partner.” Fjord feels as if his own voice is coming from a long way off. Or possibly as if he’s gotten sunstroke and hallucinated this entire sequence of events.

“Yes. Are you all right?” Caduceus reaches out to flatten his palm against Fjord’s forehead, and Fjord reaches up to catch his hand, clasping it and holding on.

“Yes, no, I’m fine.” Fjord waves his free hand. “I, ah…didn’t realize that’s– what we are to each other.”

“Oh, well, I know we haven’t talked about it, but sometimes something comes up in conversation and I need some way to refer to you.” Ducking his head, Cad looks away, his expression turning embarrassed. “I could use something else if you’d prefer?”

“No, I just– we haven’t even kissed!” Fjord’s voice rises, plaintive, and there’s an outburst of what he will charitably choose to think of as _coughing_ from across the quarterdeck, where Beau’s watching the horizon.

“That doesn’t affect how I feel about you.” Caduceus looks nervous, but his voice is firm. “I would never want to push you into anything too quickly, or at all if you didn’t want that.”

“I– didn’t even know you _felt_– that way. About me. At all.” Fjord squeezes Cad’s hand and grins, crooked, shaking his head. “‘Too quickly.’ Caduceus, I didn’t even know anything like that was even on the table; if I knew I could kiss you I’d do it _all the time_, I’d do it at _least_ once an hour, I’d mmph–”

Caduceus leans down and cuts him off mid-word.


	17. pre-ep 96 "what if"

“Nott, vial, oil, _now_,” Fjord calls as soon as the gorgon sinks to the ground, its last breath rattling out. The shower of snowfall from dismissing Star-Razor doesn’t even reach the ground before melting in the humid, warm atmosphere of the jungle.

“What? Yes, all right, here,” Nott fishes out one of the vials and passes it over as Fjord pauses in front of her just long enough to grab it before hurrying over to where a fifth stone firbolg has joined the other four. “I could do that myself, you know.”

“Yes but you _weren’t_,” Fjord snaps, wrestling with the cork. “How do you apply this stuff?”

“Just spread it around some, I think. It’s mostly magical, you shouldn’t have to cover every inch of somebody.”

Tossing the cork aside, Fjord spills some of the oil out into his palm and smears it over Cad’s breastplate, right over his heart, before running his hand over Cad’s head, the waves of hair-turned-stone rough against his skin. “Come on, come on, I know it hasn’t been that long.”

Pouring out more oil, Fjord slathers Cad’s shoulders and circles his torso, spreading as much of it over him as he can in broad messy strokes, as quick as he can. When he runs out he comes back around to the front, laying both hands on Cad’s face, thumbs stroking gently over his cheekbones. “Caduceus, love, come back now, your family’s waiting for you.”

He hears someone say his name but his attention is focused; for a few excruciating heartbeats he thinks something’s gone wrong – too much time passed, the oil not strong enough, some inherent curse on the land itself – before there comes a crunching, grinding sound, like gravel and sand pouring, and Fjord feels arms come up around his shoulders.

Under his hands it feels like the rock simply melts away, until he feels fine fur against his skin, and Caduceus blinks his large pink eyes, eyebrows climbing up his forehead as he stares at Fjord. “Love…?”

Fjord’s lips quirk, and he pats Cad’s face before letting his hands drop and stepping back. “Just as well you heard that yourself. I’m sure one of the others would have told you, otherwise. We can talk about it later. Go on. Family.”

“Later.” Cad says, and lifts a hand to brush curled knuckles against Fjord’s cheek. “Love.”

Fjord can tell Caduceus isn’t just echoing him.


End file.
